Dear Tamara: I thought my new boyfriend was perfect until I began having to deal with his baby mama drama. We have been dating for about four months now and we get along great. The only problem is his son’s mother. I hate to put it this way, but she is ghetto! She is constantly interfering in our relationship. She calls him at all hours of the night just to get under my skin and try to cause trouble between us. Should I get out of the relationship now before it gets to deep and allow her to win, or should I hang in there and straighten her out?
Tired of the Drama
Dear Tired of the Drama:
Dealing with “baby mama drama” can be very frustrating and can greatly affect any relationship. Your relationship is still very new and if you know right now that this is not a situation you want to deal with, then by all means, get out. If you are sure you want to pursue the relationship and decide to stay with your new boyfriend, checking his baby’s mother and “straightening her out” may not be the best thing for you to do. I know that’s probably not what you really wanted to hear, but it’s the truth. You might further agitate the situation and make things worse. Ending his baby mama drama is not your responsibility, it’s his!
Your boyfriend is the one responsible for dealing with his son’s mother and setting the boundaries for their communication and interaction. If you have any issues, he is the person you need to deal with and not his son’s mother. You trying to insert yourself in the middle of a situation where you do not fully understand the dynamics and history of the relationship can backfire.
I think women immediately go after the other woman without fully understanding or taking into consideration the full situation or the many feelings tied up in the situation. And your boyfriend has the responsibility for setting the tone of that relationship, not you. Don’t automatically assume that the state of the relationship is all on the other woman.
Yes, I have seen women act crazy and use their children to control situations, but I also know that there are other dynamics that affect the situation and cause people to act out. Imagine having a newborn at home and your child’s father has already moved on with someone new. Now I am not standing up for mothers everywhere, because I know there are some women that are manipulative and out to wreak havoc on others. But, whether it’s right or wrong, as a woman, I can understand how this can make another woman feel and act out. I do not believe that any woman sets out to be just somebody’s “Baby Mama.”
With that being said, I am not suggesting that you have to take the baby mama drama or stay involved in the chaos. But I am suggesting that you take your issues up with your boyfriend and not automatically initiate a hostile relationship with his son’s mother, especially when you are not in her shoes. Be mature and respectful and you will be surprised how this can affect the relationship in the long run. If you and your boyfriend are serious and the relationship has longevity, there is still a child involved that does not need to be in the middle of parents and step-parents that do not get along.
A wife and mother of five, Tamara Hartley is also a speaker, coach, and author of Stop Wasting Your Time Blaming Others for Your Life. Having overcome many obstacles and challenges, Tamara combines her knowledge, expertise, life experiences, lessons learned and practical wisdom to help others. For additional advice, tips, and strategies for your Life, Relationships, and Career, you can also tune in to TamaraHartleyTV or subscribe to receive weekly updates.